Module 1: Crisis Phase – The First 72 Hours

Module 1: Crisis Phase – The First 72 Hours

🧠  Before You Say Anything…

If you’ve just been caught or confronted by your partner about your sexual behaviors — pause.

This is your first moment to either begin healing… or make things worse.

This course starts here because what you do or say right now matters.

🎯 Learning Objectives

By the end of this lesson, students will be able to:

  • Recognize the high-risk nature of the first 72 hours after disclosure.
  • Identify behaviors and language that either stabilize or destabilize recovery.
  • Apply grounding techniques to manage shame and panic.
  • Use prepared scripts that validate their partner instead of causing further harm.

Lesson Content:

🔎 Understanding the Crisis

  • Partners often enter a state of shock: racing thoughts, panic, anger, disorientation.
  • The nervous system is overwhelmed, making them highly sensitive to your tone, words, and actions.
    ⚠️ Key Warning: Minimizing, defending, or shifting blame now can create secondary betrayal that sets recovery back by months or years.

✅ The Do’s

  • Stop all lying immediately — even “small” lies.
  • Answer questions calmly and truthfully (without chaotic oversharing).
  • Take accountability: “This is because of my choices.”
  • Respect requests for space.
  • Reach out for outside support (therapist, coach, group).

❌ The Don’ts

  • Don’t try to manage their emotions by hiding or editing the truth.
  • Don’t say: “It’s not a big deal” or “You’re overreacting.”
  • Don’t demand comfort for your shame.
  • Don’t push for forgiveness or reconciliation too soon.

🚫 What NOT to Do

Avoid:

  • Lying to protect them (you’re really protecting yourself)
  • “Trickle-truthing” — giving small pieces of info over time
  • Emotionally dumping in the heat of the moment
  • Making promises you don’t understand

✅ What to Say Instead

“Right now, you deserve honesty. I know I’ve hurt you. I want to be transparent, but I also want to do it the right way.

I’m getting guidance and support, and I want to give you the full truth — but not in this chaotic emotional moment.

You deserve better than that.”

Let your partner know you're actively working with a therapist or this course and that you will fully disclose everything they want to know — just not like this.

❌ Phrases That Make It Worse

  • “It didn’t mean anything.”
  • “You’re overreacting.”
  • “I already told you everything.”
  • “You don’t need to know that.”
  • “That was the old me.”

These invalidate your partner’s pain and deepen betrayal trauma.

🧘 Emergency Grounding Tools

  • Deep breathing (4-7-8 method).
  • Journal for 10 minutes before speaking.
  • Call a sponsor, therapist, or trusted support person.

🗣️ Immediate Scripts

When your partner asks questions:

  • Wrong → “I already told you everything, stop asking.”
  • Right → “I understand you need clarity. I’ll answer as honestly as I can.”

When your partner expresses rage:

  • Wrong → “If you hadn’t ignored me, I wouldn’t have done this.”
  • Right → “This pain is because of my actions, not yours.”

When your partner shuts down:

  • Wrong → “Fine, if you don’t want to talk, I’ll leave.”
  • Right → “I’ll give you space, but I’m here when you’re ready.”

📋 Stabilization Checklist

  • ☐ I have stopped all lying or secret-keeping.
  • ☐ I am not deleting or hiding evidence.
  • ☐ I am seeking outside professional support.
  • ☐ I am offering honesty at my partner’s pace.
  • ☐ I am not demanding forgiveness, comfort, or quick reconciliation.

✍️ Journaling Prompts

  1. What is my strongest urge right now — to lie, defend, or minimize?
  2. What would it feel like to sit in the discomfort of full honesty?
  3. How do I want my partner to remember my actions in these first three days?
  4. What am I most afraid to say to my partner right now?
  5. What do I believe would make things worse?
  6. What kind of man do I want to be during this process?

📎 Downloadable Resource

👉 Crisis Survival: Do’s & Don’ts for the First 72 Hours (PDF handout)

  • Page 1: Why the first 72 hours matter
  • Page 2: Do’s & Don’ts list
  • Page 3: Grounding tools
  • Page 4: Stabilization Checklist

👉 Crisis Phase: First 72 Hours - Module 1

📄 Downloadable Worksheet

Module 1 – Crisis Phase: First 72 Hours

👉 Download the PDF handout for Module 1



Complete and Continue